and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
