she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
