Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
We left the knife in your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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