saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
