he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
