no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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