it hurts more in the daytime
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
