You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
