I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
