great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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