Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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