He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
