Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize