At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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