i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
