Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
