I seem to have left my pride at pride
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
