I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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