so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
My hand turned me down
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I need to stop coming to work sober
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
