Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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