I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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