Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
