would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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