and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
