paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
