is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
