If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
