Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I'm really busy with my period
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