I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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