just come out here and I will go home with you...
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
