i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
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I swear to god he's a one man village people.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
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Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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