peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
