His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
