The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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