guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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