I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
