You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
