I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
