I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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