i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
