I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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