i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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