If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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