Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
