if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
