I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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