My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
