I skipped work to stalk him.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
