you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
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