Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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