I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
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i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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