Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
we're chasing vodka with high fives
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Drunk is not a location!
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
