Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
