im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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