So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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