non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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