Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
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You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
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How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.