Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it