My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes