Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
