if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
