I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
