okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
