i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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