Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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