one two three fourrrrnication!
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize