so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I am naked and annoyed.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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